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So this is going to be a long and crappy week

This weekend started off pretty well, but little did I know that the wang injury would be an omen of things to come.

Yesterday I slept in until 10 and then ran some errands and worked out. Then Vlad and I went to see 30 Days of Night, which much like the entire day started out well but ended poorly and left me annoyed. Below the cut is the level of totally batshit insane girl drama you sick bastards love to hear from me. Sadly this time, it’s not funny crazy. It’s Old Yeller style sad crazy.


Then I come home to read in an LJ that a particular friend of mine got assaulted at the other goth club while I was at Spellbound and she didn’t bother to call or tell me. So I called her up and it degenerated into a hour of me lecturing her after I learned she emailed Vlad to get on the guest list for the Halloween party, but forgot to mention the “oh, my ex tried to beat me up in front of a ton of people.” That was basically the last straw with her and I ended up alternating between trying to get her to do the right thing (press charges) and scolding her for being a crappy friend who it is nigh impossible at times for me to be around.

I’ve tried not to talk about her in here, simply because she reads this and tends to twist the slightest thing I say into “OMG Alex doesn’t like me anymore *CRY!1!!*” but 8 days straight of insane girl drama from her, I’m going to vent. I won’t name names, but the DC people will know who she is, and the other what 72,000 of you who read this every day can just be content with the details. Here’s the thing - if the person in question is even remotely hurt by this - I'’m taking this down. This is not attempt to hurt her, besmirch her, or make fun of her. This is me venting.

Basically it’s like when I tried to be friends with Laura after dumping her, and I haven’t even so much as kissed this girl, which is a good thing, because all my friends give me shit that she liiiiikes me. Which yes, it’s obvious that she does but much like Laura, I know that she’s majorly unhealthy for me and so I don’t touch or attempt to get close. But because I know she has feelings for me I’ve turned down multiple chances to go home with someone because I don’t want to hurt the friends feelings for the sake of a cheap quick fuck. When I am turning down tawdry club sex from hotties, that should be a warning sign to everyone.

This is the same girl that wants to spend time with me, then flakes out because something dramatical comes up. The same girl who will spend 20 minutes next to me at the club just standing by me without saying a word because the only thing she can talk about is drama and goth gossip. Who has a shit fit in front of my friends twice in the same night at the first Spellbound because three women gave me their number, yet we’re not dating, and when I point blank try to get her to explain the irrational jealousy, she changes the topic and my friends tease me about the wacky vagina finding me even here. Most of all, she’s someone who I allowed in as a friend on a recommendation of someone I trust highly, and then it turns out she’s amazingly self-destructive and hates herself and I have to ignore the flirting and the obvious attraction because at 30, I can tell the level of crazy that is totally unhealthy for me to be around.

And that’s the crux right now. Most of her friends are pretty passive human beings, and they all told her not to press charges for being attacked by a psycho abusive ex in a club because then “people will have to pick sides.” WTF? The level of pussiness amongst goths is legendary, but this is downright insane. I mean, from talking with her the people around her that she calls friends are users/abusers/druggies/losers and generally lower class people in terms of ethics, personality, and scruples. And then there’s me who is generally Mr. hollier than thou happy optimistic actually liking myself productive overachiever who is at least respected, even by those that don’t like me. And so even though I’ve been trying to say “Look. I know you like me, I know we’re friends. But you’re bad for me, you’re a bad friend, and you associate with people who don’t want you to get healthy, so I can’t watch you keep fucking your life up, especially knowing there’s a stronger connection than I want there to be between us already.” I have a level of guilt about trying to walk away from her, because every time I’ve done it before when I find myself with girls like this, it sends them plummeting even further from the level of crap they were wallowing in before. And right now, she needs someone to at least kick her ass in gear if her actual friends are saying “well, let’s just hope if he shows up again he won’t try to punch you this time.” instead of taking action or showing any real level of care.

So after that 45 minute call I go upstairs to try and calm down as this is the first time in like 4 years I am ANGRY. Angry at the abusive ex. Anger at her for constantly getting into these situations and not taking responsibility for her actions. Angry at her friends for showing their true colors. Angry at her for not getting these people aren’t really her friends and treat her like shit. Angry at myself for wanting to walk away completely from her even though she needs someone right now. Angry at myself because I know I morally can’t walk away right now even though it would be healthier for me. Angry that her feelings for me are obvious to anyone who spends five minutes around the two of us together (except of course to me. We know by now I’ve learned to turn a HUGE blind eye to anyone flirting with me) and then they have to tease me/point it out. And Angry at myself for not being able to return the friendship, even if there’s that piece of me that would like to.

I end up too pissed to go hang out with some friends that are in town for Cyber Sunday (you know who by now) and so I feel even worse that I gave up seeing people I rarely get to hang with so that I can play big brother/father figure/unwilling quasi-boyfriend to my friend. Vlad and I end up playing some Gutiar Hero III career mode after that and clear the first stage (He’s guitar and I’m Bass), unlocking “Sabotage.” However, neither of us are in the mood to play. I’m worked up. Vlad’s worked up (partially about this, partially about other shit). Heather’s worked up for the same reasons as Vlad, and so I go downstairs to play Shadow Hearts.

Then I find that in my annoyance at this girl, I left the bunny room door and the video game room door open and Baby got in and ater literally every video game cord I have, as well as the cord to my big ass awesome TV. I ended up baseball sliding to catch her and my entire left knee is skinned pretty badly from the carpet burn.

Not good timing Baby. Not good at all. I damn near packed her up and brought her to the pound a few blocks away. The only reason I didn’t was I knew I was more angry at myself for missing this crucial detail than I was at the rabbit for being a rabbit. Still, it was the perfect cap to the evening.

But guess what? It didn’t end there. As I’m picking up the remenants of the cords and cables, guess who calls? Yes. The same girl. After a 45 minute call of me saying, “I am worried about you, I care about you, but you are bad for me and I just want you to get your shit together,” she calls me as she’s driving to her mom’s house because she wants to talk. Bad bad BAD timing on her part. The call ends up a 30 minute lecture from me saying “You’re a very pretty girl, and you’re a very smart girl as much as you pretend to be a bimbo, but you need to stop making stupid destructive choices. I get that you don’t like yourself and that your self-esteem is shit, but you need to re-evaluate your life from the ground up. Who your friends are. Why you do the shit that you do. Who you are right now. Who you want to be. Where you are going. What will make you happy with your lot in life.” And as always with her, she listened, but she did HEAR what I was saying. So I just gave up and let her go. I can’t just coddle her, or anyone who repeatedly does this to themselves, no matter how much they want to hear that from me.

So that was it. I got off the phone, and Heather, Vlad, and I had a bitch session about the entire situation and the stupidity of it all. Vlad’s going to try and get the abusive ex banned from Submerge and try to get the rest of the promoters doing the Halloween party to have him banned from that. I’ll try and call in a favour with Phil and Lori to get him banned from Spellbound and then she’s at least got two goth clubs where she can feel relaxed and safe. That’s about all I can do for her. It’s really the LAST thing I can do for her. I’m in a situation where I need to push her away, but I also know in doing so it sends her back to the pack of crap she normally associates with. Either way it’s a lose-lose situation and I have to watch a person that has no idea the level of awesome she could be if she just believed in herself get really really hurt yet again.

I am so happy to be back at work. You have no idea.

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