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Bye Bye Snowball

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Well, Snowball has been gone for about three and a half hours now. We spent all yesterday playing and cuddling and the same this morning. All I ever had to do was touch her on the head gently and she’d do the content bunny flop. Even with her bad teeth, she’d constanbtly purr and you could just tell she loved being with me.

Bre arrived here at the hotel at noon and I walked her through all of Snowball’s personality traits, physical ailments and her inability to remember to eat unless you put the food directly in front of her. Then it came time to say good-bye and Snowball realized that we were parting forever and she freaked almost as bad as Baby does. She squealed (which is the first time I ever heard her make any noise) and she wedged her self under the bed to where she couldn’t be reached. I had to pull the bed from the wall and pet her for a good while before she started to calm down. As soon as I picked her up she started freaking out again. She was so sad and scared and terrified that it made me start to cry like a little girl and I think the last time I cried was seven years ago, which was also bunny related. Even Bre was like, “That bunny does not want to leave you.” and she was right. It broke my heart to give her up but I just had to keep telling myself it was what was best for her even if it didn’t feel like it emotionally.

When we put her in the carrier she started crying and frantically tried to dig or bite her way out and again, my heart was just shattered. She looked at me with such sadness that you could tell she felt I was betraying or abandoning her. Poor little bunny. She just didn’t understand what was going on except that she was leaving the person who saved her from the shelter and nursed her back to health from near death. I think she thought she was going back to the shelter or that I was rejecting her like Baby and Chewie did and I started to tear up again. I only had that bunny for a month and I fell so in love with it. She’d snuggle up to me when I was watching a movie or climb on my lap and fall asleep when I was working. She even loved Baby and Chewie even though they wanted nothing to do with her. It’s hard to believe an rabbit like Snowball that had been abandonded, survived cancer and staph and had such brittle teeth that she couldn’t eat hard foods without them breaking could be so happy and content while my bunnies are ungrateful greedy monsters that freak out at the slightest change from their daily routine.

I still feel like the worst pet owner in the world after all this. I took her from the shelter. I got her spayed, got her on antibiotics, hand and syringe fed her when she needed it and then I just gave her up knowing full well she’d scratch on the bedroom door all night because she wanted to sleep with the other bunnies and myself. I did the right thing. She couldn’t eat what the other bunnies ate and the other bunnies would just come and steal her food, which she was more than willing to share because she wanted to make friends. Of course, my bunnies aren’t allowed anything but hay because they eat and eat and eat even just that until they are sumo rabbits. She also needed to be away from Baby who just wanted to bite her and attack her. Snowball didn’t care. After a nip, she’d come back minutes or seconds later trying to play again and if the nipping got to bad, she’d just run to me.

I did the right thing in taking her in. She would have died in the shelter as they had no idea what they were doing with her. She’d have died with another family as they wouldn’t have caught the staph infection, occular discharge or the bad teeth until it was too late, if at all, and they especially wouldn’t have known how to handle her dietary needs. It was the right thing to take her in just as much as it was the right thing to give her to a home where she would be the only indoor animal and be allowed to run free without fear of getting attacked and now has two people to give her love and affection instead of one person split between three bunnies. Still, I can’t believe I got as attached to her as I did and I still can’t get that last look of, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you giving me up? Don’t you love me?” on her face as I shut the door. I should not be this emotional over a foster care bunny that I knew I couldn’t keep. Maybe it’s a sign that I’ve overworked or stressed out or something else, but I just feel so horribly guilty in giving her up or when I look at her empty water dish and I know it’ll be even worse when I come home tomorrow and for the first time in over a month a little white ball of fuzz doesn’t come running to the door to greet me.

I hope she’ll be happy in her new home. I know she’ll be happy eventually. I just wish this whole two month ordeal of trying to adopt her and then trying to keep her had a happier overall ending.

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