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DVD of the Day #336 -Clive Barker’s Book of Blood

Wow. This was bad. A few days ago I reviewed The Lurking Fear which was so bad it was good. This is a movie that is so bad it’s fucking awful. There needs to start being warnings on horror films where the vast majority of the cast and production team are British. “Caution: The Film Will More Than Likely Sucks.” Sigh, why do I try to give Clive Barker the benefit of the doubt after so many awful books and films.

Anyway, this has NOTHING to do with the collection of short stories that used this name. This is just a generic haunted house movie filled with awful acting and a nonsensical story.

See, there’s this kid who used to be psychic as a little kid. He ends up going to college and meets a professor of parapsychology. When he appears to have visions of her having a car accident that comes true his gift seems to have returned so she enlists him on the exploration of a haunted house where this got chick had her face ripped off. Strange things start happening, as you might expect.

Then it gets stupid. Really fucked up shit happens to the Parapsychologist, but then later on we learn the college student has been faking things. You know, including a foundtain of blood with zombie children dancing around it. Okay then. Then it turns out the house is really haunted…but no, the kid was faking it again. Then it turns out the kid has his psychic abilities back after all, and he goes back to the top of the house to find out what it wants. Then it turns out the parapsychologist is REALLY the true powerful psychic and she just tricked the kid into being eviscerated. See, she’s really evil and greedy. She convinces the kid the only way he can survive is to let ghosts write on his skin for the rest of his life so they can tell their chilling stories of the damned. After a while he runs away so she hires a crazy guy to kill him and skin him. Then the crazy guy drowns in blood that flows from his skin and she comes in to take the skin which ghosts are still writing on. End film.

Whew. This film appears to have come out of the Vince Russo school of scriptwriting. The acting is awful, the effects are hilariously bad and it took me three hours to get through this 100 minute film because it was so bad. I had to keep pausing it and sighing. This is bad people. Just think, the sequel gets to be part of Horrorfest IV in Jan 2010. Wheee!

Is It Worth Keeping? No
Rating: 2.5/10

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