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Archive for April, 2010

Migraine Induced Dreaming

Sunday, April 25th, 2010

Usually I’m a very lucid dreamer. I’m concious of my dreams, I’m rarely in them and it’s generally like watching MST3K, with a little me in a seat watching the “big screen.” However when I have migraines or am having real trouble sleeping, I lack the ability to do this. Last night marked a week of trouble sleeping and the tail end of a 24 hour migraine, so I ended up having some strange dreams.

The first was a weird mix of Capcom Vs. Marvel, MYST and The Amazing Race. At least I assume it was like the latter as I’ve never seen it. I dreamt it was the 5th season of this cross-country race. Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe it was more “The Cannonball Run.”

Anyway the teams were made up of all sorts of crazy combinations. The previous year Apocalypse, Dracula and M. Bison won. This dream’s year ended up being a tie between myself and my two cousins Scott and Stephanie and an all wrestling team of The Great Muta, Kurt Angle and Shaemus. It was very strange. The Great Muta had a diamond in it with a little key inside and he was constantly trying to figure out was the key was for.

I also had a super hero battle royal dream where an internet forum was pissed that Batman came in 7th, Wolverine came in 5th and USAgent came in 3rd.

I’m going to spend way too much of today trying to figure out where these came from.

Review #351

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey
Publisher: Atlus USA
Developer: Atlus
Genre: Turn Based RPG
Release Date: 03/23/2010

Along with Sakura Taisen, the Megaten series has been my favourite franchise in gaming. Persona 2: Eternal Punishment is my second favourite RPG of all time (after Valkyrie Profile) and there are very few Megaten related games that I don’t like. Oddly enough though, it’s the spin-offs I prefer rather than the main series and looking back over the years, it appears the rest of the Diehard GameFAN staff would agree. In 2005 Digital Devil Saga won our Game of the Year award, and last year Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor won our awards for “Best DS Game.” This year Atlus brings us another spin-off in name, but in terms of gameplay, style, and plot, Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey might as well have just been called Shin Megami Tensei IV as it is the least spun-off of the spin-offs, if you know what I mean.

So was Atlus able to make the best game on the DS for two years running or is this one of those rare Megaten misfires like Revelations: The Demon Slayer?
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Review #350

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

Hysteria Project
Developer: Bulky Pix
Publisher: Sanuk Games
Genre: Survival-Horror/FMV
Release Date: 04/22/2010

As mentioned in my interview with Sanuk Games from a few days ago, Hysteria Project is a return to games in pure Full Motion Video format. This genre had two heydays. The first was in the early 1980’s with arcade games like Mad Dog McCree and Dragon’s Lair and the second was during the Sega CD years where FMV games ran the gambit from shooters like Sewer Shark to adventure games like Who Shot Johnny Rock?. Although horror games using Full Motion Video were rare, they were not unheard of. Titles like Dracula Unleashed, Night Trap and Corpse Killer all used FMV, but aside from Dracula: Unleased, horror FMV games weren’t very popular or successful. Probably the most popular was The 7th Guest and that’s more Adventure than Horror by today’s standards.

Still over a decade has passed since FMV’s golden age. Technology has improved and systems can finally hold quality video footage. Combine this with the fact Hysteria Project is both a PSP Minis title and only $1.99, and you have the perfect combination to get people to try the first of a new breed of FMV games. The question remains though…is it any good?
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Review #349

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

Sakura Wars V: So Long, My Love
Developer: Red Entertainment
Publisher: Nippon Ichi
Genre: SRPG/Dating Sim
Release Date: 3/30/2010

Long time readers know that Sakura Taisen is my favourite video game series of all time. The cast, the animation, the battle system, the music and the relationships all combine into games that I would rather play than those in any other franchise. So of course when Nippon ichi announced that they would be bringing over a Sakura Taisen game, I was ecstatic. Finally, my friends and staff would get to experience not only my favourite video game series of all time, but Sega’s most popular and best selling franchise ever. Seriously – this thing outsells even Sonic the Hedgehog by vast quantities in Japan and it’s considered one of the “Big 5″ RPG series across the Pacific along with Pokemon, Final Fantasy, Megaten, and Dragon Quest. I won’t waste time conjecturing about why Sega blew this opportunity for over a decade; instead I’m just going to thank Nippon Ichi for making one of my dreams come true.

Now the thing here is that we are getting the fifth game in the series, which acts somewhat as a standalone, although some concepts and characters will only truly make sense if you have played the previous games. Otherwise you are just thrown into a happy steampunk alternate reality 1920s filled with mechs and demonic furries. For those looking for a little more back story, you can check out my review of the Sakura Taisen Complete Box or my individual commentaries on Sakura Taisen 1, ST2 or ST3 from our old Saturn and Dreamcast features.

Now, as it is a bit odd for me to review a game I have played and beaten several times in the past five years (since 07/07/05), as if it was new rather than a retro game, I will be shying away from talking about the other games and comparing this to them. This is a straight look at how the game fares in its Wii port and whether it’s worth purchasing.
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Bye Bye Snowball

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

Well, Snowball has been gone for about three and a half hours now. We spent all yesterday playing and cuddling and the same this morning. All I ever had to do was touch her on the head gently and she’d do the content bunny flop. Even with her bad teeth, she’d constanbtly purr and you could just tell she loved being with me.

Bre arrived here at the hotel at noon and I walked her through all of Snowball’s personality traits, physical ailments and her inability to remember to eat unless you put the food directly in front of her. Then it came time to say good-bye and Snowball realized that we were parting forever and she freaked almost as bad as Baby does. She squealed (which is the first time I ever heard her make any noise) and she wedged her self under the bed to where she couldn’t be reached. I had to pull the bed from the wall and pet her for a good while before she started to calm down. As soon as I picked her up she started freaking out again. She was so sad and scared and terrified that it made me start to cry like a little girl and I think the last time I cried was seven years ago, which was also bunny related. Even Bre was like, “That bunny does not want to leave you.” and she was right. It broke my heart to give her up but I just had to keep telling myself it was what was best for her even if it didn’t feel like it emotionally.

When we put her in the carrier she started crying and frantically tried to dig or bite her way out and again, my heart was just shattered. She looked at me with such sadness that you could tell she felt I was betraying or abandoning her. Poor little bunny. She just didn’t understand what was going on except that she was leaving the person who saved her from the shelter and nursed her back to health from near death. I think she thought she was going back to the shelter or that I was rejecting her like Baby and Chewie did and I started to tear up again. I only had that bunny for a month and I fell so in love with it. She’d snuggle up to me when I was watching a movie or climb on my lap and fall asleep when I was working. She even loved Baby and Chewie even though they wanted nothing to do with her. It’s hard to believe an rabbit like Snowball that had been abandonded, survived cancer and staph and had such brittle teeth that she couldn’t eat hard foods without them breaking could be so happy and content while my bunnies are ungrateful greedy monsters that freak out at the slightest change from their daily routine.

I still feel like the worst pet owner in the world after all this. I took her from the shelter. I got her spayed, got her on antibiotics, hand and syringe fed her when she needed it and then I just gave her up knowing full well she’d scratch on the bedroom door all night because she wanted to sleep with the other bunnies and myself. I did the right thing. She couldn’t eat what the other bunnies ate and the other bunnies would just come and steal her food, which she was more than willing to share because she wanted to make friends. Of course, my bunnies aren’t allowed anything but hay because they eat and eat and eat even just that until they are sumo rabbits. She also needed to be away from Baby who just wanted to bite her and attack her. Snowball didn’t care. After a nip, she’d come back minutes or seconds later trying to play again and if the nipping got to bad, she’d just run to me.

I did the right thing in taking her in. She would have died in the shelter as they had no idea what they were doing with her. She’d have died with another family as they wouldn’t have caught the staph infection, occular discharge or the bad teeth until it was too late, if at all, and they especially wouldn’t have known how to handle her dietary needs. It was the right thing to take her in just as much as it was the right thing to give her to a home where she would be the only indoor animal and be allowed to run free without fear of getting attacked and now has two people to give her love and affection instead of one person split between three bunnies. Still, I can’t believe I got as attached to her as I did and I still can’t get that last look of, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you giving me up? Don’t you love me?” on her face as I shut the door. I should not be this emotional over a foster care bunny that I knew I couldn’t keep. Maybe it’s a sign that I’ve overworked or stressed out or something else, but I just feel so horribly guilty in giving her up or when I look at her empty water dish and I know it’ll be even worse when I come home tomorrow and for the first time in over a month a little white ball of fuzz doesn’t come running to the door to greet me.

I hope she’ll be happy in her new home. I know she’ll be happy eventually. I just wish this whole two month ordeal of trying to adopt her and then trying to keep her had a happier overall ending.

I’m in Columbus Ohio

Saturday, April 10th, 2010

I drove from 9:45 am to 3:40pm today or a total of 430 miles to take Snowball to her new home in Ohio. I have to admit I’ve fallen in love with this special needs bunny and it’s breaking my heart to know that today is my last full day with her. She’s such a wonderful sweet bun and the thought of not having her any more actually makes me sick to my stomach. It’s what is best for her though, as selfish as I want to be and keep her forever. Her new home will have two people to love her and she’ll be an only bunny, meaning no more cuts, gashes and wounds from an angry brat of a bunny named Baby.

Still, I worry about her. She is a special needs bunny. She’s an albino, a cancer survivor, a staph infection survivor and she has the worst teeth in a bunny that I have ever seen. Yet through it all, she’s also the most playful, happy and loving bunny that I’ve ever seen as well. Even if she lost her teeth, Oxbow Critical Care (which happens to be her favourite food) keeps toothless bunnies alive for their full lifepsan, so I know she’ll be okay.

She’s more puppy than bunny with how she follows me everywhere I go, always wants to play and is a bit dim. Right now, she’s curled up on my right foot and purring (in bunny not kitty fashon) contentendly. I do worry that she won’t be as happy at her new home or that her hyper needy nature might not be a good fit, but I also know if that happens, I’d willingly make the drive again to come get her and bring her home. She’s just that wonderful a bunny and I’d do anything to make sure she was happy.

The hotel here is really nice. it has an Olympic sized pool, a sauna, a whirlpool and several workout rooms the size of my apartment. It even has an all Capcom arcade room. I went to White Castle just to say I have (ick) and there is an all Chili place and a Spanish place in walking distance. I’m going to stay in with Snowball though and spoil her rotten before I have to say good-bye. Awww. Such a sweet bunny. I wish I knew why Baby waas so cruel to her. Ah well, at least she’s out of the shelter where they didn’t notice her staff infection or uterine tumour. I just keep reminding myself if I didn’t find her and take her from it, she’d be pretty bad off right now. Now she gets to have a full happy life full of snuggles and affection.

Review #348

Sunday, April 4th, 2010

Mimana: Iyar Chronicle
Publisher: Aksys Games
Developer: GungHo
Genre: Action RPG
Release Date: 04/01/2010

Ah GungHo, we meet again. Earlier this year they gave us Ragnarok DS and Lunar: Silver Star Harmony, both of which received positive reviews. This time, instead of XSEED doing the publishing, it’s Aksys Games.

Iyar Chronicle is an odd little RPG. It’s obviously meant to be a franchise for GungHo, with the ending being a “To Be Continued” at Soul Reaver levels and the game is only 8-9 hours long unless you do all the subquests, which then brings the play time up to 12-15 hours. That’s exceptionally short for an RPG where fans of the genre are conditioned to forty-hour long titles. However, some RPG’s like the original Shadow Hearts and Rhapsody have shown that it can be a short game and still fondly remembered by gamers. Is Iyar Chronicle able to pull that off?

Let’s Review

1. Story

It sucks to start this review off on such a negative note, but Iyar Chronicle is one of the dullest, most generic RPG’s I have ever played in terms of story, featuring a cast of characters that are so unlikeable and annoying that I had a hard time playing through the entire game, and it’s one of the shortest RPG’s ever.

Your main character is Crais, an angsty mercenary whose snarky comments and secret past of sorrow and rage belies a heart of gold. Cliché #1. Broke and drunk, he is given a ray of salvation when a mysterious super cheerful and optimistic girl in pink and red named Sophie offers him a job. Cliché #2. This job is to go with her to collect seven (although once or twice the game accidentally says six) gems but she can’t tell him what they are for or why they are doing it. The game is then just going through the dungeons to get the gems. Cliché #3. Along the way you meet four more women that will join your team, all of which are “quirky but cute” in some way. Cliché #4. You will also encounter two shadowy individuals – one a Black Knight who seems to be testing you as much as he antagonizes you and the other a strange evil warlock in white who holds the secrets to your main character’s shattered past . Clichés #5, 6, 7 and 8. The warlock also has a bad ass warrior girl who is also strongly connected to your past and yet you don’t recognize her until the penultimate (second to last, not second biggest) battle in the game. Cliché #9. As well, right before you get the last gem, your benefactor puts herself in harm’s way for you and at that moment your main character learns to care about others again and open up his heart to the five women who have accompanied him on this quest. Cliché #10.

That my friends, is the plot of Iyar Chronicle. There is nothing original about it. It is the most generic and dull story I have encountered in years. It is the personification of a paint by numbers story. I didn’t even start to get interested in the game until eight hours in when I encountered Timon, who was the only likeable character in the game and even then she’s a stalking obsessed polearm carrying berserker who is prone to fits of rage. And that’s the MOST LIKEABLE CHARACTER. The game also contains a sorceress named Melrose who is easily the most annoying character I think I have ever encountered in a video game. I would rather play something like Tingle’s Tea Party than see another line of dialogue or sprite for Mel again. Awful, awful, awful.

The game has some VERY LIGHT dating sim elements, but it’s more Star Ocean 2 that Thousand Arms or Sakura Wars. At set times (generally after completing a dungeon), where you are given a choice of who to talk to. Get a high enough rating and then you can get a special ending with that girl. Huzzah.

Look, I beat this thing in twelve hours (because I was exploring everything as a reviewer should) and it felt longer than most 40-80 hour rpg’s. I would finish a dungeon and it would feel like I had been playing it all night rather than just an hour. There is so little story since 95% of the game is dungeon crawling and what little there is has been ripped from every generic RPG since the NES days. It scares me to think that this is meant to be the first in a three or five (conflicting reports from across the Pacific) series, especially as if the others are as short, they would combine to the length of a regular RPG, and yet you’ll be paying $39.99 for each of them if they come to the states. That’s as uncool as the story is bad. I’m glad there were a scant few side quests and some very light dating sim elements, but this is still one of the worst RPG stories I’ve ever encountered. The original Dragon Quest had more depth than this.

Story Rating: 2/10

2. Graphics

Iyar Chronicle is a very pretty game in the battle sequences. The sprites are highly detailed and the animation is quite fluid. The monster designs are pretty original and fun. You won’t find goblins or orcs here, but you may find a giant flesh eating sheep or chickens that are bigger than party members. Boss sprites are huge and pretty weird, ranging from a giant skeleton to a treant or a giant purple crystal thingy. Spell effects are also unusual and quite creative and visually, GungHo did an amazing job with combat. VISUALLY.

Out of combat, things are a bit odd. The game’s graphical quality not only goes down some, but you’ll also experience slowdown when walking around or exploring. Yes, there is no slowdown in the action part where twelve different characters are flailing around on the screen, but there is when your character is walking on static pre-rendered backgrounds. How odd is that?

Honestly, Iyar Chronicle is one of the better looking action RPG I’ve encountered on the PSP. It even has half a dozen fully animated cut scenes that are anime quality and are amongst the high points of the game. Pretty but vapid – that’s Iyar Chronicle.

Graphics Rating: 7/10

3. Sound

The music of Iyar Chronicle is pretty forgettable. Like the story, they are pretty generic tracks that you could find in any fantasy RPG, but unlike the story, you won’t be offended by them. They’re just kind of there to provide white noise as you hack and slash your way through the game. There’s actually a surprising amount of tracks on the game considering how short it is, so that’s a point in the game’s favour. There will be large stretches of time where there isn’t any music though, which is odd and uncomfortable.

The voice acting quality ranges dramatically, with characters like your antagonists, Melrose and Feine being phoned in or just poorly done while the actors for Crais, Timon, Sophie and Patti literally save the game from being a total waste of twelve hours of my life. Although the script was deplorably bad, these four actors do the best that they can with it and their delivery often made me laugh or smile where had it just been words on the screen, it would have had me hate the story all the more. As slightly over half of your play time will just be with Crais and Sophie, you’ll thankfully be saddled with the two best voice actors in the game.

So forgettable music and voice acting that runs the gambit from total suck to, “rare shining light in this black hole of awful.” Let’s hope that if the rest of the series actually does get made, Aksys will jettison the bad actors and keep a death grip on the awesome ones.

Sound Rating: 5/10

4. Control and Gameplay

Much like the story, the actual gameplay of Iyar Chronicle is amongst the worst I have encountered in a RPG in quite some time. You can definitely tell the engine was inspired by Star Ocean: The Second Story but where that did things right, Iyar Chronicle goes spectacularly wrong.

First up are the random battles. Oh my god, there are so many random battles in this game that you will start keeping track of the number of frames you can walk without encountering an enemy. My max was ten. Ten frames of walking before a random battle. For an entire game. This was so annoying it wasn’t even funny. Worst of all is that you will be maxed out level wise before the end of the game because of this (Level cap is 50 unless you get a special password to max it out to 100) and so for the last two hours of the game or so, you’ll be battling constantly with no reward. AWFUL. The game really needed to cut back on the random battles because you don’t even have to grind in order to slaughter bosses. At only one point in the game, aside from scripted battles where you half to lose) was Crais ever knocked below half his life. Too many battles kills a game, and I haven’t seen a game this littered with them since the Japanese version of Thousand Arms. It’s also worth pointing out that if you are trying to climb up or down stairs when a battle is triggered, you will be set to the beginning of the stairs after the battle leaving you to try it again. It once took me seven times to get down a flight of stairs. SEVEN TIMES.

Then there are the battles themselves. These again are like Star Ocean 2 or the Tales series where all of your team is on the screen at once but you only control a single character. Unlike those games, you can only control Crais, leaving your three other partners to do what they want, when they want. The most control you have is to pause the game and tell them to cast a specific spell or to set their AI out of combat, but the AI in the game is so laughably bad, it doesn’t matter what you do as your teammates will just flail wildly and cast the wrong spell at the wrong time. You can turn off access to specific spells outside of battle, but if you have more than four active on a partner, expect them to simply screw up repeatedly. Thankfully your character is so wildly overpowered, you’ll never really need them except for an occasional heal spell. For the last boss in the game, it was myself, Timon and the two healers in Sophie and Patti. I had both healer JUST casting heal spells and I hacked away at the opponent while Timon just ran across the screen wildly. Not even a challenge and it was basically a one on one battle against the LAST BOSS IN THE GAME and I still cakewalked it.

Here’s an example of how bad the AI in the game tends to be. Let’s say Sophie is down to ten hit points (out of 2000) and I am missing one or two. She will choose to heal me up every time rather than stay alive. As well, do your computer controlled partners every block or even try to avoid attacks? Only once in a blue moon. Don’t worry, the antagonist AI is just as random and retarded so it all balances out into the biggest mess I have ever seen an action RPG degenerate into.

There are a few other hilarities worth mentioning. If you choose to run away in combat, battles continue until a time ticks down from 99 to 0, but that’s less time than all but boss battles take so what’s the point? Dungeons are enormous, yet there are less than ten of them in the game. Most of the dungeons increase their length (and thus the play time of the game) by forcing you to backtrack constantly through them over and over again to turn a stone or flip a switch or tough a sigil to let you go back to the other side of the dungeon and proceed with your movements. It’s playtime inflation and it is as dull as it sounds. The dungeon crawls are even more boring than the plot and with random battles happening literally every few seconds, you will be sorely tempted to just stop playing, even though the game is so short.

So, random battles are so numerous you’ll probably have more fights here than in a full length RPG, the AI for both your partners and enemies is so bad it’s embarrassing that the engine was even green lighted, you have little to no control over your partners and the only enjoyable thing about the system are the dating sim elements and even then the game tries to push you to the most unlikeable character in the game or pedophilia. Nice. Again, Iyar Chronicle gameplay is as bad as the story, and both are amongst the worst I have encountered for an RPG in a long time. The only thing nice I can say about the engine is that the game is pretty.

Control and Gameplay Rating: 2/10

5. Replayability

The nice thing about Iyar Chronicle is that if you find yourself LIKING the game (and every game is someone’s favourite), you can replay the story several times to get each girl’s special ending. I will say that the New Game+ bones you as none of your items (save for the Water Stone you get from beating the final boss) carries over and all your characters go back down to Level 1, so there’s no real point in having the NG+ feature unless something is going to carry over from each chronicle, like your rating with the ladies (ala Sakura Wars) or the Water Stone. This was a bit of a disappointment as I was really hope the item you get right before the last dungeon, which decreases random encounters by 50% would carry over, but alas, it does not. Again I ask, what is the point?

So if you’re a masochist, you can easily replay for Mel, Timon, Patti and Sopie’s endings, and you can see all four in the time it would take you to play a regular RPG. The question is, would you want to? At least you have the option to see those endings and each of the optional end game quests as well.

Replayability Rating: 5/10

6. Balance

Again, Iyar Chronicle is not a well made game. Balance just might be where the games is at its worst. We’ve already heard me bitch about the sheer quantity of random battles to the point where your characters will be maxed out a dungeon or two before the final one, making much, if not all, of the game the easiest RPG you will ever play through, even though three of your four party members are little, if any, help to you. Just imagine how easy the game would be if your characters actually had some modicum of intelligence or strategy!

Enemy characters are so easy, you have to wonder the thought process that led to a ton of battles that give you more experience and gold than you will need but also to make them super easy so the game is as boring as it is plodding. Bosses are just as easy as rank and file monsters and at no point was I ever in trouble of losing a single battle, save for the ones where you are scripted to lose. Even in those, I lasted far longer than I should have for a scripted battle as the enemy rarely attacks and when it did it was so telegraphed I could avoid their attacks easily. In both cases I had to commit suicide by moving my guy in front of either unbeatable character and let them hit me, because otherwise it would have never ended. Once again, this is a horribly unbalanced game. In no way, shape, or form does this game provide any challenge or difficulty and the last boss’ only real attempt at giving you pause is its ability to heal itself. Yeah. That’s it. So it’s just an extra long battle rather than a tough one.

Honestly, the only challenge in Iyar Chronicle is navigating the exceptionally long dungeons and even that is easy if you stick to the basic dungeon crawling credo of always going right (or left) and never deviating. Also, making a map can help if you didn’t grow up in the old school 8-Bit or SSI D&D PC game era of gaming.

In terms of challenge, AI, balance, or anything else that can fall into this category, Iyar Chronciles is one of the worst RPG’s I’ve ever played. It’s so badly broken (and in your favour) that the sheer ease of the game combined with the onslaught of random battles from mentally challenged monsters will leave you hoping that the rest of the series never actually gets made.

Balance Rating: 1/10

7. Originality

You’re kidding, right? There is absolutely nothing original, innovative, fresh or new in this entire game. It’s all cribbed from some other game or list of RPG stereotypes. The game’s plot is one of hundreds of other games. The characters are taken from everything from Tenchi Muyo! to Final Fantasy and the engine is a fifth rate version of Star Ocean 2. Everything about this game is shallow, vapid and short and had this been say a $10 per episode DLC thing on the PSN for your PSP, then I’d have probably been kinder. But $30 for a twelve hour game that does little to nothing write and some things so spectacularly wrong that you have to wonder if Gung Ho needs a license (ala Lunar and Ragnarok to guide them into making a decent game.

Originality Rating: 1/10

8. Addictiveness

Okay, the first eight hours or so of this game were grueling, especially as you only had three characters in Crais, Sophie and Melrose, and only Sophie is likeable. Timon and Patti made the game more interesting, but there is little to no character development for anyone save Crais and it’s so by the books you would think it was written by a middle schooler. Even the dating scenes are fluff and you don’t get any real insight to who these characters are or why you should care about them – and this is the optional part that is supposed to provide depth! Still, once the options opened up and I had a choice of character to talk to and optional quests to go on, I hated the game less. I still hated it, mind you, but now it was just horrible instead of a form of torture.

It took me as long as a normal RPG to get through this simply because I would have to keep putting this down due to it being boring, annoying, easy and full of so many random battles. I guess the fact this game is so short compared to other RPGs turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Addictiveness Rating: 3/10

9. Appeal Factor

The thing is that Iyar Chronicle is so paint by numbers that some people will enjoy it for what it is – a mindless twelve hour RPG with the usual generic crap so that they can wade through it. Will anyone consider this a great game or one of the best RPG’s on the PSP? Not even close. At best, people will find this a mediocre but inoffensive and overpriced affair and I’m sure some people will want to continue the adventures of Cloud Strife and Aeris Crais and Sophie and their Ghaleon look-alike arch-nemesis, but thankfully I won’t be one of them. Again, tastes vary, but in the case of Iyar Chronicle the audience that will enjoy this is slim, and those that find the game good compared to others that they have played with almost the exact same plot will be even slimmer. For those looking for the same exact experience they have had for several console generations but with less story and a crappier engine, then you won’t be disappointed with Iyar Chronicle.

Appeal Factor: 3/10

10. Miscellaneous

$39.99 for a twelve hour RPG that is obviously one third (or even a fifth) of a full length RPG that has been carved up is totally unacceptable no matter how you look at it. At BEST, Iyar Chronicle should have been an episodic RPG made specifically for downloadable content at ten bucks a pop per episode. If that had been the case, I could have overlooked a lot of the flaws in this game as well as the trite story, because you’d be writing for episodes and not a full game, so one would expect the first piece to be a little light.

The bottom line is that Iyar Chronicle is an overpriced broken game that is going to leave a lot of gamers feeling cheated and will alienate nearly everyone that picks this up from buying the second installment – if it is ever released, and let’s all hope to God it is not

This is downright shameful and one of the worst scams for a buck I’ve seen released in 2010 so far. Not cool Aksys. Not cool at all. Now I’m even MORE frightened to see what you did to Ghostlight’s Agarest: Generations of War.

Miscellaneous Rating: 1/10

The Scores
Story: 2/10
Graphics: 7/10
Sound: 5/10
Control and Gameplay: 2/10
Replayability: 5/10
Balance: 1/10
Originality: 1/10
Addictiveness: 3/10
Appeal Factor: 3/10
Miscellaneous: 1/10
Total Score: 30
FINAL SCORE: 3.0 (BAD GAME!)

Short Attention Span Summary
Congratulations Mimana: Iyar Chronicle! You’ve just surpassed Sands of Destruction as the worst RPG released in 2010 so far, and that’s a pretty impressive feat indeed. If forty dollars for a twelve hour RPG wasn’t bad enough, Iyar Chroncile features a cast of the most unlikeable characters seen in this generation of gaming, a plot that looks like it was written with the help of Mad Libs, and an engine so broken that you will be amazed at how your character can walk right up to enemies and they will either just stare at you or walk away rather than attack. The only positive thing that can be said about this game is that it is pretty, but other than that it is the most shallow, vapid, dull and easy RPG I’ve played in a long time. Do not waste your money on this.

First Quarter 2010

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

So we’re more than 90 days into 2010. I have to admit it feels a little odd not doing a daily DVD review, but in a good way.

So what’s happened this quarter?

Bunnies:
2009 ended with Baby in a near fatal G-I Stasis, but she was better the next day thanks to a careful eye and paranoid pet parenting on my part. January started off with a cancer scare in Mr. Chewie Biteums that turned out to be a false alarm.

In February we started bunny playdates in an attempt to get Baby a new friend since Chewie likes alone time and Baby is needed. It came down to a white dwarf male named Chester and a white lop female albino named Snowball. Snowball won because another family wanted Chester on the day I had to choose and that made things easier on me. Unfortunately, Baby, who had liked Snowball on all the playdates, turned to MURDEROUS RAGE when she came to live with us in March 15th. Chewie Biteums just didn’t care. So it was a choice between getting Snowball a new home or bringing her back to the shelter. After taking Snowball to Chewie and Baby’s vet and discovering she had a a few physical issues, I knew I couldn’t bring her back to where I found her. She had occular and nasal discharge due to a staff infection and she has really bad teeth for a bunny and her bottom teeth are rather British. I paid for all her medicines and cultures but she’ll still need a tooth trimming down the road. She’s a very sweet and affectionate bunny that seems more puppy than rabbit. Sadly the first home we found for her fell through but next weekend she’ll be on her way to Ohio where she’ll get to be a house bunny in Springfield (or around there) and I know she’ll be happy there. She really does want to play with and befriend my rabbits really badly and you can see her little bunny heart break every time Baby lunges at her or growls. Poor thing. Baby just wants her gone.

Work

Main job is going well. I have four weeks of time off I need to use, one of which will be down in Cancun when I take Guin there at the end of this month. Pokemon is going well but I’m starting to get really burned out on it between Japanese shit, DHGF shit and Beckett magazine articles, who owe me for three months of pay between that and MOG and I’m starting to get cross with them about it. Three months late with pay that’s over $2500? Not cool. If it’s not here in another two weeks I’ll have to consider Small Claims Court.

Diehard GameFAN

In March we more than doubled our readership. That’s pretty cool. Go Pokemon power! I am getting a bit tired of video game writing though and Dawn’s made overatures for me to write a full non fiction book again (so she can play agent), so I might go that route at the end of the year.

Relationships

Although Guin and I hooked up in late July, we made the official steady sweetie status on September 4th and seven months later, I haven’t gone Barney Stintson on her, which is awesome. She’s 300 miles away, but we managed to see each other every month and I said earlier, I’m taking her for her first trip out of the US to Cancun later this month. I’m trying to think where to go next. I know for some of my friends the thought of me being in a relationship for seven weeks, much less seven months, is unthinkable, but I’m actually very much in love with her and my only complaint is the distance. I have learned that I can make it in 4-4.5 hours though.

Interesting Events

I’ve learned I am a God amongst men here in DC during blizzards as I helped get people out of ditches or parking spots during all three of them. It was a weird winter weather-wise here. How’s that for aliteraton? I’ve seen quite a few plays this year. The Screwtape Letters, As You Like It, Richard II, Henry V, a ballet production of Romeo and Julliet and a weird sexy dance thing of Antony and Cleopatra.


Movies I’ve Seen in the Theatre This Year

Daybreakers - Best major vampire release in years, which isn’t saying much.

Shutter Island - good acting, horrible script.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Well, I’m seeing it tomorrow here in Shirlington

Kind of a wimpy year so far for theatre attendance.

Movies I Want to see this quarter in the theatre

The Eclipse
Waking Sleeping Beauty
Date Night
Kick-Ass
The Joneses
Oceans
Iron Man 2
Get Him To the Greek (Sarah Marshall 2)
Splice
Jonah Hex

Not bad. Ten films.


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