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Archive for November, 2009

DVD of the Day #325 - Teen Wolf

Friday, November 20th, 2009

Wow, here’s a movie that hasn’t aged well at all. Remember being like eight and thinking how cool this was and how much fun it would be to be a werewolf until you then watched a Hammer or Universal film and realized that Michael J Fox had lied to you?

Anyway, this is the story of an ordinary teenager who just doesn’t excel at anything. He wants the hottest babe, he wants to be the basketball star, he want to be something other than forgettable. Then one day he turns into a werewolf and instead of people running in fear from him or shipping him off to a government lab to be disected for turning into a lycanthrope in public, he instead becomes super popular and gets everything he every wanted…or at least he gets everything he thought he wanted.

I’m surprised this is PG considering there is sex and nudity in this, but PG’s fallen a long way from when we were kids, or evn in the 60’s and 70’s when gorey Hammer Horror was only PG.

The acting isn’t very good, the plot is ludicrous, nothing ever became of the cast in this film save for Fox who was already a star, and the sequel was the same exact script, with a lot of the same dialogue save for boxing replaced basketball. Yeah, this is a film that was cool when you were in single digits, but any time past that you can see it for what a horrible mess it really is.

Now it makes me wonder how the Teen Wolf cartoon has aged…

Is It Worth Keeping? no
Rating: 4/10

Review #322

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles
Publisher: Capcom
Developer: Capcom
Genre: Rail Shooter
Release Date: 11/17/2009

I’m really not a fan of the Resident Evil series. It’s a combination of the awful voice acting, nonsensical plots, horrible gameplay (up to RE4 that is) and a total lack of survival horror elements even though it’s considered the primary game in that genre. There’s no sense of terror, fear or impending doom. It’s just an action game with zombies, making it as much survival horror as a Castlevania title. In other words, it’s not. Between Resident Evil, Dino Crisis and the ruination of Clock Tower, it’s safe to say I have no confidence in Capcom making a real survival horror title – just action games with monsters. Thankfully we have games like Theresia, The Lost Crown, Barrow Hill, and Clock Tower for those that truly want a frightening experience.

Knowing my disdain for the overall series, it will probably surprise you how much I loved Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles. I love rail shooters, and the retcons made to the RE series with this game helped establish a tighter continuity, dramatically improved the overall flow of the tales, improved the voice acting and just took three games I previously couldn’t stand (RE0, RE1 and RE3) and made me really like the characters and tales being told. Of course, the bonus content where you could play as Wesker helped a lot too. A lot of our staff ended up picking up Umbrella Chronicles simply based on the fact this was the first Resident Evil game I truly loved, and it ended up winning our 2007 awards for Best Traditional Shooter and Best Horror game. In fact let me quote a line from Mark B.’s writeup on the BTS award…

…About the only depressing thing [about this game] is that it’s missing the stories from RE2 and RE Code Veronica, but it’s not like Capcom won’t release a million more of this game between now and 2010.

Well we’re a few weeks away from 2010 and not only to we get a follow up to RE:UC, but lo and behold, it’s light gun remakes of Resident Evil 2 and Code Veronica, which happen to be the two games in the series I liked best (and by like I mean, I didn’t outright hate them). So, is Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles a worthy follow up to Umbrella Chronicles, or did lighting only strike once in terms of Capcom actually getting the concept of horror right.
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DVD of the Day #324 - Slip

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

This is a weird movie. I thought it was going to be a horror film, but instead it was a gritty urban drama with supernatural elements. Your main character is Sarah and in a Stir of Echoes/The Sixth Sense sort of way, she sees dead people. Actually dead people possess her really easily and use her to fulfill things left undone. Because she is a pure heart she can only be possessed by good people and when their job is done, she is left with their skills and talents. So she speaks like five languages and knows all sorts of kick ass attacks.

This time around she’s possessed by a young gang banger who was trying to get out of the lifestyle and was caught stealing 100K from his gang leader/drug czar. Of course, it turns out he didn’t actually steal the money or was anywhere near it. it was the czar’s lt who framed the kid and killed him before anyone could get wise. Now Sarah and the dead banger’s uncle have to prove he doesn’t have the money and who the real embezeller was.

It was a really good premise save for a tacked on subplot about a guy who gets possessed by evil spirits and who is stalking Sarah to see if she can “cure” him. That wasn’t needed and it really lamed up the film at the end. Otherwise, this felt like it would be a pilot for a TV series on FOX or something. Interesting idea they could run with on a weekly basis for a season or three before the ratings tanked worse than a Josh Whedon series (and it makes me giddy with glee every time that happens).

Decent flick, especially for a low budget production.

Is it Worth Keeping? No, but it was worth watching
Rating: 5.5/10

DVD of the Day #323: G.I. Joe A Real American Hero Complete Series: Collector’s Edition

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Man, 17 DVD’s later, I’m finally done with G.I. Joe. i watched all the cartoon episodes, all the interviews and documentaries, and even the awesome that was the live action fan film. It was honestly superior to the recent theatrical release save for the shiny velvet cowl on Zartan.

G.I. Joe is easily the best made American cartoon ever made, and this statement comes from a person who lived and breathed Transformers for like twenty years. It just hasn’t aged as well, while G.I. Joe has actually improved over time. The characterization, continuity and so much more make this the cartoon of cartoons.

The truth is though that Cobra makes the cartoon. Zartan, Destro and Cobra Commander are what make this series work, so of course the Serpentor season kills the cartoon for the most part due to all three disapearing for most of the episodes. Thankfully Sgt. Slaughter and the Wet Suit/Leatherneck buddy tandem help cushion the blow.

I’m going to run down my ten favorite episodes here, in no particular order

1. Cold Slither. Cobra goes bankrupt due having such good medical and dental policies. In order to restore Cobra, Cobra Commander and Destro turn Zartan and the Dreadnoks into a thrash metal band that makes billions and climbs the charts. Awesome

2. The Synthoid Conspiracy. Cobras makes synthetic duplicates of the world’s leaders (and Duke) in a bit to take over things subtly for a change.

3. The Pantom Birgade. Cobra forces the Undead to work for them

4. The Germ. Giant disease microbe destroys the world.

5. World Without End. Joes die and their corpses are shown. This two parter shows an alternate world where Cobra wins. Only cartoon at the time to mention Hell and show death.

6. Skeletons in the closet. We learn Lady Jaye and Destro are related and that Destro is a servant of Shuman-Gorath!

7. There’s No Place Like Springfield. Holy shit, is this dark and fucked up. Definitely proof that Joe was written for adults as well as kids.

8. Cobrathon. Just the name says it all.

9. My Favourite Things. The only good Serpentor focused episode. It’s got Dracula in it!

10. The Most Dangerous Thing in the World. Cobra hacks into the DoD computers and puts the three most inept Joes in charge. Hilarity ensues.

Watching this makes me wish Shout! would release the DiC episodes if only to see Cobra Commander KILL Serpentor which is all kinds of awesome. it also makes me with that the third season of Marvel’s G.I. Joe was made. I loved the idea of the Crimson Twins leading with Serpentor, Cobra Commander and Duke being dead.

Anyway, as awesome as the cartoon it, is still pales to the comic by Larry Hama. Still, this is the best animated cartoon series ever made by Americans and it’s certainly worth buying at a price of $150 for the extras and packaging rather than buying all the individual bits.

Now you know…

Is It Worth Keeping? Hell, yes
Rating: 9/10

TV Tropes

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

It appears I made TV Tropes.

Better yet, it also links to a weird Canadian TV series about Dracula I discovered a few years back (i want to say 2005-2006) with Spike that horrifed me and made him laugh pretty hard.

DVD of the Day #321 - Ju-Rei: The Uncanny

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Wow, this was a pretty awful J-Horror film. It’s only seventy minutes long (That doesn’t include credits) and it really doesn’t make much sense. it also doesn’t help that all ten chapters are told in reverse and make no sense. Each one starts with some character and ends with them being killed or scared by some dead chick with pasty white skin and long black hair. basically what you would find in a zillion other horror movies from japan. It feels like a third rate Ju-On, which was a second rate film to begin with which is telling. Ju-Rei has absolutely no production values and the actors are montone except when they are shrieking.

I mean really, the film steals the Ju-on gurgling noises, and the source of all the killings happens while a bunch of girls are watching Ringu. This film is not shy about plagarizing or copying.

Honestly, I couldn’t tell you what the fuck this film is about. It’s sloppy, badly written, goes nowhere and is so disjointed I was unable to put it together. Fuck, even film critics have tried to make sense of this and real it’s short ten short scare sequences that are supposed to be connected but fail miserably.

This is just a really bad J-Horror film. Avoid at all costs.

Is It Worth Keeping? No
Rating: 2.5/10

DVD of the Day #320 - The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain

Monday, November 16th, 2009

Damn, Welsh movies have long titles, don’t they? I’ve always enjoyed this film even though I generally don’t like Hugh Grant. I think having Transporter Chief Miles O’Brian in it helps.

Although this film tries to pass itself off as “based on a true” story, it’s really not. This never happened and there’s no such location in Wales. As well, the movie makes the error os saying that it is unknown why the Welsh have such a limited selection in last names. In reality, it’s because the English wiped out a lot of the Welsh and also forced them to convert their last names the same way the forced them to speak English/.

Anyway….this film is about a small Welsh hamlet that only has one real claim - having the first mountain in all of Wales. This film takes place right after the Great War, so the british have sent cartographersto measure landmarks and landmasses around the country so as to be prepared if another war broke out. Unfortunately for this town, their mountain is in fact a hill. 16 feet short of being a mountain to be exact. So the villagers put together a plan to quickly add 16 feet worth of land to the hill. Now of course, 1,000 feet is actually far shorter than the true standard for a mountain, but this is fiction. They also tacked out a second rate love story onto the plot which was uncessary. Really, all that was needed was the sweet tale of small town pride to carry this film.

This is definitely one of the better movies to come out of England and easily the best of Hugh grant’s career. It’s sweet and yet poignant and I enjoyed seeing it again.

Is It Worth keeping? Yes, but I netflixed it so..
Rating: 6/10

DVD of the Day #319 - Parker Lewis Can’t Lose: The Complete First Season

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

God, I have been waiting for this to come out on DVD for years. It’s hard to believe this show is twenty years old. Well, not if you just go by clothing and hairdos, but I was shocked that it’s aged exceptionally well.

There’s so much I love about this show. Whether it’s the catchy theme music, the opening little skit for the first minute of the show that concludes with the end credits or the overall plot with witty dialogue, memorable characters and good old surreal satire and fun.

For those unaware, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose is actually based on Ferris Beullar’s Day off, but they lost the rights to the show right before filming, so they had to make a few changes. The actual eventual Ferris Beullar show was fucking awful and lasted only half a season, while this became one of Fox’s biggest hits for three straight years. It’s actually superior to the original film and I happen to love that, so that’s saying something.

What makes this show so awesome are all the characters. Parker with his horrible taste in shirts but crazy schemes, Mikey the bad boy sidekick, Jerry the nerd sidekick to the sidekick, Grace Musso the awesomely evil principal (who we learn is the sister of “The Beaver”!), Frank, the goth military psycho that works for Ms. Musso, Shelly the evil little sister of Parker and of course, the Kube. Man, I love Kubiak.

Each episode is a lot of fun and generally involved Parker hatching a wacky plan or trying to get out of trouble. It’s not at all like your generic sitcom, and it’s amazing how ahead of it’s time it was. This definitely wasn’t what you would expect to have seen out of 1990 when Full House and Family Matters was the general crap du jour.

Simple put, PLCL is awesome and you need to see it.

Is It Worth Keeping? Yes
Rating: 8/10

DVD of the Day #318 - Todd McFarlane’s Spawn: The Ultimate Collection

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

Hey kids, remember Spawn? Remember when it was the biggest most exciting comic of all time and how it and Youngblood were going to make Image the biggest publisher ever and change the face of comics? Yeah, that didn’t work out too well, now did it? The comic was cute for a while, and the live action film was entertaining crap.I had never gotten to see the animated series. but I had heard good things about it. Of course, it being an HBO show means that it had to be cancelled on a cliff hanger instead of letting it wrap up. Oh HBO, when will you stop this level of evil?

This series doesn’t really stick to the comics save for the basics. Al Simmons is a black ops agent who is killed in the line of duty by Youngblood’s Chapel. He makes a deal with the devil to come back to earth to see his wife. however, he comes back five years after his death and as a hellspawn only to find his wife has moveed on and married his best friend with whom she has a a child. Most of the series then kind of revolves around Al killing bad guys, being morose and satanic machinations.

It’s a VERY slow moving anime and after three seasons, every little, if anything actually happened. In the last episode is looks like substance and action is going to happen with season four, but that never came to pass. Oddly enough, I still enjoyed the series for what it was and the voice acting was amazingly good. I also like the subplot with the two cops in season three and the eventually meeting between Spawn and Chapel.

Overall, the series could never decide where it wanted to go and what it wanted to be. For example, the angel Angels shows up for thirty seconds in season 1, but then is never seen again. What the heck? With a little more structure, it could have been fun. Instead it’s like everything else Spawn related: great at first, but after a while it just becomes crap.

Is It worth keeping? No
Rating: 5/10

Review #321

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

Chaotic: Shadow Warriors
Publisher: Activision
Developer: Fun Labs
Genre: Platformer/Turn-Based Strategy Hybrid
Release Date: 11/11/2009

I consider myself pretty hip to what the kids are into these days. I can talk Pokemon better than 99% of them. I can do the Bakugan thing. But there is one thing that I’ve never quite picked up and that’s a TCG called Chaotic. Now I’ve never been into the whole collectable card game craze, because I don’t like clutter. Both Pokemon and Magic: The Gathering were tcg’s I played through video games rather than going to a tabletop gaming store and plunking down money for cards. Chaotic falls into this same category, but there’s one big problem setting it apart from the two big kid crazes of today, Pokemon and Bakugan: no kid I know has ever touched it. The play the Pokemon TCG or the Yu-Gi-Oh, but no little kid I’ve ever come across has so much as purchased a starter deck of Chaotic. The same holds true for the cartoon. No one I know has, regardless of age, has seen it. No one I know, regardless of age, could tell me anything about Chaotic. So when i saw the video game was coming out, I decided to review it; partly because I was curious as to why no one had touched either the game or the cartoon, and partly so I could keep my finger on the pulse of what is being marketed to tweens and under. I have a reputation to uphold after all.

Well, the first thing I discovered is that this game has little to nothing in common with the card game. It’s about 85% platformer…which sends shivers down my spine. The very few battles per level were done in a turn based fashion, but revealed nothing about how the card game worked. Alas, at least I tried.

So although I’ve learned nothing about the real Chaotic game, what have I learned about the video game spin-off? Is it worth your time, is it only for fans of Chaotic already, if there are any out there, or is it a steaming pile of poo that no one should ever touch?
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