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Archive for July, 2009

Magical Weekend Adventures Part 2 of 2!

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Whoo! Look it’s part two of the strangest four days I’ve had in a very long time. Come on in you voyeurs, friends and total nut jobs. It’s time to gather round this here blog and listen to the second part of my wacky adventure.

Wow, I don’t even know where to fucking begin. (Part 1 of 2)

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Whew. I actually had to pet a bunny, take a shower a few deep breaths before writing this because now that the past four days are officially in the can and life is about to return to as close to normal as it ever will be again, it almost feels like it didn’t really happen. Just a dream if you will. Thankfully it all did and now it’s time to ramble about it all in my own unique way.

Caution – this entry contains the usual sitcom-esque moments that my life generally consists of, wacky dating shenanigans (which is why most of you read me anyway) and some unexpected (especially for me) end results that really haven’t been defined (nor do they need to) that have left me both a little wistful and melancholic. So read on intrepid friends and voyeurs for things have gotten rather…interesting for me. (more…)

DVD of the Day #208 - Geneshaft - Complete Collection

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Wow, what a fucking awful anime series. From the back of the box it sounds pretty neat, but the entire anime was just chicks screaming at each other for 13 episodes and having pissy little fights over the same few lines od dialogue over and over again while their awful voice actresses gave up trying to deliver lines with any feeling or beliveability after the first episode.

The series is supposed to be about a totalitarian regime where peace has reigned on Earth for 200 years due to genetic engineering. people now only live to 45 but are in peak mental and physical status their whole lives and emotions and families have been dissolved so as to ensure people make rational decisions based on information and logic. This sounds like an interesting concept, but none of it is ever really touched on. It’s all background that is never fleshed out and it’s used as an excuse to send a bunch of hot anime women into space in scantily clad outfiots as they yell at each other because they all have issues with one another while the few men in the series snicker.

There’s also a bit of alien technology called the ring, which is like the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey, except the rings sometimes spews out giant evil mechs. Okay then.

Only in the last episode or two is anything really discussed about their society and the dangers/moral issues of genetic engineering and the society in which they live. It’s too little too late an as there is not a single likeable character in the entire anime, you really never find yourself carry when someone lives or dies.

This is one of those things off Swapadvd.com where I really regret picking this up. Thankfully it was short and I never have to watch it again. Man, it’s been a spree of bad bad DVD’s for the past few days.

Is It Worth Keeping? No
Rating: 2/10

DVD of the Day #207 - Time Bandits

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

I never liked this movie as a child. I thought it was dull, poorly written and that the acting was monotone and wooden, at best. Now that I’m pushing 32, I figured I’d give it a look-see one more time. I mean, it’s got John Cleese, Sean Connery, Michael Palin and a shitload of midgets, right? How could it not be good?

Well, it’s still bloody awful. The script is nonsensical at best, there is no character development and holy shit is everyone wooden. Shelly Duvall, the Pythons, and especially the midgets are phoning it in at best. This is easily the worst performance out of everyone who appears in this film’s career.

The whole movie is basically about a bunch of dwarves who rebel against being God’s janitor’s and are now running amok through time in a quest to find some undefined master treasure while Satan wants it for themselves. Along the way they meet famous people ranging from Robin Hood to Agamemnon.

I really wanted to like this movie due to the cast, but it’s so poorly written and acted I have to wonder what was going on here. Terry Gilliam is generally the worst of the Pythons in terms of directing and writing, so it’s no surprise here that it’s not as good as something done by Cleese, Idle, Palin or Chapman, but I honestly can’t fathom the love for this movie. It’s so bloody bad in every way possible. I don’t think I laughed once through the entire two hour ordeal. It lacks of all the usual wit and charm of the Python bits, with more of an emphasis on farts jokes or midgets doing stupid things because they’re midgets. Honestly, how is this movie funny or even charming. Huge past and an even bigger waste of my time.

Is it Worth Keeping?No.
Rating: 2/10

DVD of the Day #206 - Transsiberian

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

You know, I had heard good things about this movie. I really wanted to like it. In the end, a single character/actress ruined the entire film for me. Have you ever had that experience? I mean, Woody Harrleson was awesome as a character that was basically Woody from Cheers, Kate Mara was enjoyable and Ben Kingsley was amazing. But then there is Jessie, played by Emily Mortimer. She’s the main character and the crus of the movie, which makes the entire thing fall apart simply because she’s such an unbeliveable, unlikeable waste of air. The character, not the actress. Because the character is so unbeliveable the movie falls apart and I was just counting the seconds for it to end or for her to die.

Roy And Jessie are coming home from a church group missionary trip on a Trans-Siberian train to Moscow because Roy is the kind of guy who watches the show, “I Love Toy Trains.” Jessie is an ex wild-child/drug addict who has since fixed herself up, or so we think. One they meet their roommates - drug smugglers Carlos and Abbey things go downhill fast. Jessie shows herself to be a psychopathic pathological bi-polar adultress who ends up killing Carlos because they started making out and were about to fuck when she changes her mind and Carlos doesn’t. Then when she realizes later that Carlos has stashed his drugs in her bag and their new mates are Russian Narcotics Detectives, she absolutely refuses to tell the truth and do the right thing for some god knows what reason that is never explained and makes no sense. You just fucking tell the truth ans things turn out okay. No, instead she keeps lying and getting caught until eventually the Russians torture her, her husband and Abbey because they want the drugs and the money. Yet she still never just says, “He tries to rape me. I killed him. I found his drugs in my bag when we got back. The end.” which would have been intelligent, using common sense and realistic. Instead, the movie just spirals down into plot holes, unbeliveability and outright implausible actions including the eventual train crash climax that couldn’t have happened due to physics and the train line shown in the film.

In all, what starts with one awful, awful character in every way humanly possibly, spirals down into a movie that quite frankly sucks more and more as time goes on. Too bad too, as the cast and acting ability was great.

Is it Worth Keeping? No.
Rating: 4/10

DVD of the Day #205 - Garfield Travel Adventures

Friday, July 24th, 2009

This is pretty cut and dry. This DVD contains three classic made for TV Garfield specials from when I was a kid. You know the ones - they would air on CBS with the spiraling “Special” logo right before them?

The shows in this collection include:

Garfield in the Rough - Garfield, Jon and Odie go camping and get attacked by an escaped panther.

Garfield in Paradise - Garfield, Jon and Odie go to a tropical island where they get a possessed ‘57 Chevy and have to deal with an angry volcano.

Garfield Goes Hollywood - Garfield, Jon and Odie become stars on a pets with talent TV show.

These haven’t really aged well. The best bit out of any of the episodes is the “Hello, Hawaii” song that has been stuck in my head for like twenty years now. I finally got to hear it and that was honestly the whole reason i got this off of Swapadvd.com

A pass unless you are a HUGE Garfield fan.

Is it Worth Keeping? No.
Rating: 4/10

DVD of the Day #204 - Pokemon Battle Dimension Volume 1

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

It’s a new season of the Pokemon Diamond and Pearl anime. This first collection contains the first 17 episodes of the series. It’s amazingly slow as there’s only one Pokemon Contest for Dawn and one a single gym battle in this set, but some interesting things do happen - chief of which Jessie wins a contest ribbon (holy crap!) and Team Galactic is finally introduced as such. There’s a Butch and Cassidy episode, which is always fun, and Ash gets a new Pokemon in Gligar.

You know the drill by now - Ash, Dawn and Brock travel around the world competing with their Pokemon while encountering new Pokemon and wacky occurances. There is always a Pokemon of the day and it’s generally just cute family friendly fun with a Team Rocket trying their best (worst) to be bad guys.

Although BD is a new season of Pokemon, you really have to watch the series from D&P’s beginning to get the full understanding of these episodes. As well, the current voice acting team still isn’t as good as 4Kids, but they’ve improved since originally signing on. Jessie and James do the best job while Ash and Brock still have some work to get the voices down pat - even though I think they’ve stopped trying.

This is a fun little series, and it’s the most adult Pokemon has ever been. I just wish it was progressing faster than it currently is. I think Ash has only three badges and we’re 50 episodes in. What the hell people?

Is it Worth Keeping? Yes
Rating: 6.5/10

Review #297

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Last Half of Darkness: Tomb of Zojir
Publisher: WRF Studios
Developer: WRF Studios
Genre: Adventure
Release Date: 07/15/2009
Get It Here: http://www.lasthalfofdarkness.com

It’s been a really disappointing year for adventure games. I’ve reviewed six adventure games this year: three god awful ones in The Path, Art of Murder 2 and Cevile, two mediocre ones in Wallace and Gromit: Episode One and Still Life 2 and one above average one in Memento Mori. Last year however was a banner year for the genre. With games like Lost, Harvey Birdman, Nikopol, Theresia, Strong Bad’s Cool Game For Attractive People, The Sinking Island, The Lost Crown and more, it was arguably the best year for the genre ever.

This year, while wading through a lot of crap and waiting to see if we would get review copies of Three Cards To Midnight and Secret Files II or waiting for Mata Hari and Heaven to arrive, I stumbled across the website for a series called Last Half of Darkness. The games seemed pretty interesting and after fooling around with the demo and the online freebie, I decided to contact William R Fisher the Third, as he made the game all by himself (with some other people doing the voice acting and music). Bill happily obliged my thirst for a quality adventure game by sending me Tomb Of Zojir, the newest and third title in the Last Half of Darkness series.

Being that I was completely new to this game, I had no idea what to expect. I was dropped into the middle of a story line with no awareness of the characters, plot or continuity ToZ had with previous two games. So how was it? Did 2009 continue to be a banner year for adventure game suckage, or do we finally have a frontrunner when it comes to award nominees for this genre in December?

DVD of the Day #203 - Dragon Hunters (Blu-Ray)

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Dragon Hunters is a CGI movie based on on the French hand animated series Chasseurs de dragons. I’ve never seen the anime as only a few episode were ever brought to the States and they’re long out of print. I saw the trailer for the movie and as it was the same price as the normal DVD, so I decided to pick it up. I mean, only eleven bucks, right?

The film is basically a buddy comedy about Lian-Chu and his sidekick/best friend Gwizdo. The two are third rate dragon hunters down on their luck. At the same time a prophecy about an apocalyptic dragon known as The World Gobbler is starting to come true and the old lord of the region, a fuddy duddy named Arnold, ends up hiring them because they save his OBNOXIOUS niece Zoe from a monster. Words can not describe how annoying Zoe is. She makes Short Round look like the best f’n sidekick ever. You actually find yourself rooting for her to die because she just won’t shut up. What could have been a great little film ala the Slayers anime series instead becomes one that is merely okay.

The movie is definitely geared for little kids. This is mainly because of Zoe’s role in the film, but it is a family friendly movie and there were some cute and funny spots. I wish the movie would have focused more on Lian-Chu and Gwizdo having crazy antics than Zoe, but then it wouldn’t be a kid’s film.

In the end, Dragon Hunters just didn’t do it for me. It was decent for what it was, but neither the characters nor the story made me laugh as much as it made me want to strangle them.

Is It Worth Keeping? No.
Rating: 4/10

DVD of the Day #202 - The X-Files: Fight the Future

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

Well this was an odd film that opens up with John Locke sporting a bad mustache being blown up.

So here’s what I got from the movie. The Black Oil virus is actually an alien life form whose true form is as a swarm of sentient microbes that find a host and slowly transform them into Grey’s and that they are planning a mass colonization of the Earth. The secret organization Cancer Man and everyone else actually works for is FEMA (Which makes you wonder how well they would handle aliens when they couldn’t Katrina…unless New Orleans was actually filled with aliens.) and they are trying to make a vaccine against the aliens all while working with them. To track down the whole conspiracy Mulder and Scully go to Dallas (Makes sense evil’s home base is in Texas) and then to Antartica.

Also, there’s a big thing about corn and bees and The X-Files gets reopened after Mulder saves the day, but not before Scully gets infected with the alien virus and then gets cured. The end.

Okay, I remember watching this in the theatres with my GF Ronni at the time. Neither of us every really watched X-Files, but Ronni was convinced that this movie would be better than watching the show as everything would be explained. Well we watched it and both us came out going, “What the fuck was that crapfest?” Now that I’ve watched every episode up to the movie I thought it would make sense this go-around. Well, it made MORE sense, but it’s still a pretty crappy movie that left me going, “THIS is supposed to be the climax? WTF?” At least one major character was killed off for no reason, and nothing was really resolved or explained aside from a horrible origin story from the Black Oil Virus.

I have to admit I was really disappointed by this. There were a few good bits but the only thing that stands out is that OMG, Mulder says, “Shit” twice and that the movie did nothing to progress the series. It was akin to a bad episode of the TV series. Definite pass and a real let down after watching five seasons of this.

Is it Worth Keeping? No. But as it’s part of the big collection I kind of have to.
Rating: 4/10