Friday Night –
I packed, and then downloaded Home for the PS3 which I have been asked to Beta Test. Home is basically the PS3 Second Life. Everyone else has skater/alternative/hipster avatars. I instead tried to go a different route with a fugly midget with a pot belly, tight red vinyl pants, a receding hairline and no shoes. I then proceeded to stalk people while making it look like I was butt fucking them or joining dance parties with comments like “Where are all the ladies. And by ladies, I mean dudes pretending to be ladies?” or “How many of you are into fursuits?” It was hilarious and thankfully other people thought so too.
Weird dreams. The first is that I dreamt I had a nervous breakdown from too much work stress (???) and moved back to Portland only to find everything had changed and that I was wandering a mall looking for something familar. What the hell?
Up at 6am. Cab came at 6:15am. Played Tecmo Bowl and Metal Slug 7 in the airport. Tecmo Bowl is getting a 4 or so. Metal Slug 7 is getting a 6.5 or so. Then there was the flight and honestly, this was the second worst flight I’ve ever had. Nothing can beat the utterly full flight to England behind that vomiting child for 6-8 hours.
First up, I was behind the Minnesota family of Doom that personified exactly why I exaggerate my disdain for the area. Lack of manners. Lack of consideration for everyone around them. Bad parenting. Loud. Yokels. They had four kids, not a one of them behaved. Children were loud, screaming, throwing things and utter brats. Not once did the parents reprimand them. In fact the parents too shouted across the aisle to each other and threw pens and newspapers instead of handing them. Ick.
You would think that was the worst. No siree. The worst in fact was the guy in the middle seat next to me. I shall call him chubby touchy feeling Briton. Now you’re probably saying, “Wait. Britons are cold, aloof and generally aren’t touchy feeling people.” This is in fact so. But there is an exception. It is called the lonely Brit. As Dan can tell you Britons get lonely easy and god help you if they recognize you as one of them. Somehow, in my time living abroad. I have picked up a nigh unpercievable British intonation to my speech. I don’t hear it, my friends don’t hear it and my family does not. British people however do and that makes them touchy feely with me. When we were in Prague clubbing, a Lonely Briton somehow knew I was an ex resident of the isles and hung around us for several hours offering to buy us drinks. In this man’s case he would not shut up at the beginning of the flight and then promptly fell asleep on the flight and decided to SLEEP ON TOP OF ME. I kept having to push him off, but hit fleshy arm kept going over the armrest onto my special no-no place. It was like the Italian Guy in Eurotrip, but sleeping molesting.
I arrived at 10:25am. By 11:30, I had said, “Fucking Minnesota Drivers!” a dozen times. I wish this was in fact an exaggeration, but it was not so. Lane changing without signals. People going 35 in a 70 mph area. People going 50 in a 30 mph area. People without break lights stopping on a dime on highways. Straddling lanes at high speeds. Honest to god, by the time I got from the airport to Minneapolis, I was so filled with hate that I wanted to turn right back around, take that job with the Obama administration and demand we shoot every single Minnesotan who can’t pass a Driver’s test. SO ANGRY. And angry Alex is rare.
Because of this rage, I decided to curtail my Sunny Side up meal plan and instead went to the Wedge where I purchased one of their giant cinnamon rolls, which are the best I ever had. I purchased some Epicurean essentials like a chipotle gouda, red chile stuffed olives and an organic baguette. I then put them into my car for later and did my usual Minnesota stress reliving run. Usually I did this run in the spring or summer. But I was so hate filled for this city in only an hour after being back, I know I needed it. Five miles later in bundled up winter attire during 30 degree weather, I was done and feeling much better. I actually extended my run a bit to check out the rental properties which were looking good.
Then I went to Cafe Barbette, which in my time living here offered the best mussels and fries in the city. Alas, the fries are no longer as awesome as I remember, but the mussels in red curry are. While eating, Scott called and after eating, I went to his place to hang out. We babbled for a while and then took his 2 year old daughter to Bachman’s to see reindeer. After that we went back to his place, Shae came home and the three of us talked for a while before I excused myself for checking into my hotel and taking a nap.
On the way there, Alex called and I made plans to hang out with him and Madeline after my nap. Hotel is nice, and unlike most hotels, light doesn’t flood the room even with the curtains closed. Really good deal and not a bad place. I napped, showered and went to their house, where we proceeded to grab a bite at Joe’s garage and then a s’mores hot chocolate at Uncommon Grounds Nick called during this time, doing some karoake thing. A Very attractive milf commented on my choice of apparel and looks, which was a night nicecap to the evening. We split up about midnight and decided to try and hang out sometime Tuesday. I was too exhausted from flying and running around to head to G0, so I went back to the hotel, took a long bath and went to bed.
Today I’m off to the Guthrie with a date for a 1pm showing of the Christmas Carol followed by giving Scott a call. I might do lunch at Babaloo if it’s still open.
In all, I was really saddened to see how downhill Uptown has become since I was here 15 months ago. There are so many empty stores. Phoenix Games, Dreamhaven(!), Muddy paws, Calhoun Square as gone from being awesome and constantly filled with roaming idiots to pretty dead. Almost all of Lynnlake was filled with empty retail space when once it was thriving. Almost all the stores and places I liked to visit/walk to are gone – either out of business or moved from the area, making Uptown on life support. This was really sad. I found myself looking around and having deja vu over my earlier dream that morning.
So yep. I’m back in Minnesota. Call me if you have the number.